As I sit here writing, I should be packing my suitcase. I should be doing laundry. I should be packing Jackson's things. I should be folding diapers. I should be sleeping!
I have been working for the same company for going on 13 years now. While it has subsided dramatically, a great deal of my career has been spent on the road. Since long before I had Jackson, the most stressful times for me were the nights before leaving on a trip. I have always been terrified of sleeping through my alarm.
This act itself, is a reasonable fear, right? Who hasn't done that at least once? That moment, just after you open your eyes, when you are stretching and feeling rested, thinking about getting up and . . . OMG OMG OMG WHAT TIME IS IT!?!?
This borders on obsessive for me though. I would literally rather stay up the entire night, than chance my oversleeping. I have, on more than one (hundred) occasions, been known to sleep holding my phone just under my chin so there is no chance of missing my alarm. Oh wait, is it on silent? Is it tunred up enough? Is it set to PM accidentally? Crap, I think I will need more time, I should set it earlier. Yep. . . totally normal, Jen.
Things change once you have kids, I've found. Now it has transformed into a downright PARALIZING fear! What gives? I even try to make sure that my flights are late enough where I could not possibly miss them. Phew, I don't fly out until 1:30pm. Maybe I will get an hour or two of solid rest in then.
This has just opened up a brand new worry for me. I have never questioned "Will I forget anything?". . . I have only ever thought "What will I be forgetting?" I have a mental list that plays on a loop as I do my last minute LOADS of laundry. I write it out. I check it twice. All that considered, I have only forgotten anything important MAYBE twice. The rest could always be replaced with a quick trip to Target.
I have known about this trip for weeks. I have had plenty of time to prepare mentally. I have no excuse for doing laundry at 12:30am. Yet here I sit. Once I am seated safely on the plane, I will feel a little better. I suppose tackling this ridiculous fear, should be a goal in 2013.
Is this normal, or should I be booking my next flight to Crazy-Town U.S.A.?
Strangely enough . . . coming home doesn't have nearly the same effect on me. Maybe it's because I am coming home to this . . .