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My Awful Blessing . . .

You read that right . . . The past several months have literally been LIFE ALTERING. I am, however, choosing to look at this situation that I find myself in as a gift that I am not allowed to open.


A gift that I KNOW is there.
I don't yet know what it is. 
I don't yet know how I will use it. 
I don't yet know if it will fit. 
I don't yet know if it's what I've always wanted.
No amount of shaking the box, or tossing out guesses will clear up the mystery. 

So I wait.  

I will admit that there are times when I wonder who I am, now that I am not "Jen with Alterna" . . . 
or "Jen with Aloxxi". 
Now I am just Jen with JacksonThis 'gift' may not have been my choice, but this much I know . . . I have gotten to spend almost 1/2 of my son's second year/ bonding and just hanging out with him. I would not trade that for ANYTHING in the world. 

I have come to know the generosity of others in immeasurable ways. My friends and family, and THEIR friends and family have been SO supportive. 
Honestly, this, above all else has changed me.

There are days that I feel like I am drowning. Sometimes I am drowning in the pain, other days it's the fear of not being able to pay the bills. Then I look around and cannot help but feel safe, because I see nothing but love in all directions. 

For now, I am going to ground myself and make the very best of this "Awful Blessing" that has been placed in my path. 

(I just wish i could take just one little peek though!)


  1. Im sorry you are going through this honey. :/ Pointy CHINs up! ;))))


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