Skip to main content

Wait for it...

Let's talk about Pink Eye. 
It is such a disgusting infection, don't you think?
Obviously, it cannot be helped by antibiotics or with any natural remedy 
(like breast milk)

Know what else is disgusting? 

Eyelids on boys. 
Boy's eyelids are not at all necessary, and I am fairly certain that boys were born with them by mistake. 
They are just like a flap of extra face skin, with no purpose, definitely not meant to protect their eyeballs. 
I know men who haven't had their eyelids removed, and they are ALWAYS made fun of growing up.
Girls don't have to worry about this, because they can figure out how to keep their eyelids clean.  

Removing my son's eyelids will help prevent him from rubbing his eyes. 
He will have zero self control, and this is a horribly disgusting habit that needs to be stopped anyway. 
Yeah, this will prevent that for sure. 
How do I know? People told me, so it must be true. 
Yeah, this will make him feel normal, and just like everyone else.
This is a personal choice, and I have decided it is best for MY son. 
  
When his eyeball becomes dried out and calloused, unable to function... 
I am sure there will be a blue pill to help with that.
I am getting his eyelids removed while he is young, so he wont remember the pain. 
I have heard they will numb his eyelid, but even if they don't, he will most definitely get a tall glass of sugar water to relieve the pain. 
He will be glad that I did this, so he can look just like all of the other boys that have had their eyelids removed.
THAT, after all, is the most important thing. 



Let's see if this helps.

Try to swap out the following words...

Pink Eye - Infection
Eyelids - Foreskin
Eye/Eyeball - Penis or Glans
Rubbing - Masturbating (Go figure)

GET IT!?!?
If you want to know more... please click HERE


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Baby Shower Shenanigans

As I write this, I am getting ready for a baby shower. I guess I was feeling inspired. . . 
Are baby showers necessary? In most cases, yes. Especially for first time moms. It's a great way for friends and family to help the new parents stock up on the essentials.  But what about the games? Does anyone actually ENJOY these games, or is it just some crazy right of passage to be in charge of the torture when it's time for you to host a shower? In order for me to keep faith that we haven't collectively lost our minds, I have to believe in the latter. Me? I LOATHE these shenanigans. I mean, may I excuse myself when I see all the giggling ringleaders gathering their supplies for the first, of many "fun" games? Never mind the awkward stares I've received when I've refused to participate. 
So here is the score ladies, either we stand together as adults who refuse to force each other to play these ridiculous games, or we go along as we are . . . silently grumblin…

Jackson's Birth Story

It has been nearly 2 1/2 years, I think it's about time to tell our story.  After all, my experiences on September 16th 2011 have led me down a path that I otherwise wouldn't have traveled.  While Jackson was not planned, finding out I was pregnant was a wonderful surprise.
This will be a very long and detailed story. If you do not wish to read about the details of my birth, please stop here. :)
I had an amazing pregnancy, and felt stronger, happier and healthier than I have felt in my whole life. My EDD (estimated due date) was 9/10/11. At that point, I was feeling some pretty intense back pain, so I was ready to meet my little man. However, he had other plans.  At my 40 week midwife appointment, I was told that if I didn't go into labor on my own by 41 weeks, I would need to be induced.  I told her I wouldn't be doing that. It was pretty disheartening to learn that even midwives offer this type of fear based mis-information. 
Six days later, I woke up feeling some good cont…

Cloth V.S. Disposable . . . It's not just about the environment

So here I was again, pregnant with my son and trying to wade through the virtual piles of research I had compiled on diaper options. You would think this would be a super easy decision . . . but I was a Crunchy mom-to-be in a world full of Cashmere and Silk. As a matter of fact, before I joined my Bradley Group, I only knew one person cloth diapering . . . and she is over 500 miles away. Thank you 'neighbor'. You know who you are, and you know I love ya!

This is what I knew
*Cloth is better for the environment - Less waste in the landfills *I really wanted to make cloth work, long before I found out I was pregnant *My son is worth all the hard work. 'Wait . . . how hard will it be?" *Baby butts wearing a cloth diaper are simply ADORABLE!




















This is what I was told
*"Cloth diapers smell so bad, even when they are just wet" *"It is so much easier to use disposables" *"You are such a hippie" *"You are braver than I am"  *"I could never do it…